Some Things Should Come Naturally

I don’t understand why taking care of myself is so hard. It seems backwards that making sure I am okay is something that most of us struggle with. It seems so…wrong, somehow, to struggle with taking care. Shouldn’t making sure that we are okay just come naturally? Maybe I’m missing something.

To consider daily tasks, like brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, feeding myself, getting dressed, and doing things I enjoy, somehow, for some reason, takes a lot of effort. And I don’t even necessarily mean when I’m feeling depressed. That I can understand faltering on taking care. I’m talking about just day-to-day functioning.

Waking up in the morning, and seeing the day before me, the task before me, as Herculean. Seeing just taking my meds, or brushing my teeth, or getting dressed, as tasks that will require all of my physical and mental strength, and leave me wondering if I will have any strength left for anything else after the first task is finally completed. How will I ever make it to brush my teeth now that I’ve taken my meds? How will I find the strength to shower now that I’ve brushed my teeth? How will I find it in me to feed myself now that I’m showered and dressed? How will I do what needs to be done for myself? How will I be kind to myself? How will I take care of myself all day today? Can I do it?

I don’t understand why this is so hard? Why is taking care of myself so hard? Why is being kind to myself so hard? Shouldn’t being kind to yourself be easier? Shouldn’t taking care of myself come naturally? I get that I wasn’t taught to be kind to myself, and I wasn’t taught to take care of myself, but I know now. And I find it really hard.

Is it just me? Are others able to take care of themselves with ease? Do others find it hard to take care of themselves?

Leaving myself to the day and just letting things be is super easy but nothing gets accomplished; not getting dressed, not eating, not nothing.

Making sure that I am clean and dressed and fed and able to face the day and accomplish things shouldn’t be so hard. Why is it so hard?

Anyone know? Anyone?

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